For the longest time during a 32 year marriage I felt lonely inside the marriage.
This even though we were co-dependently very happily married for 15 years!
This often translated into a vague, uneasy feeling that something was missing...
I have a suspicion that the lack of connection I felt was the reason why I worked so hard on trying to change my partner. (Read: nagging, controlling, never satisfied bitch cloaked as the good wife.) There, it is out. My dirty little secret:(
All of this while we were the co-dependent text book example of happily married - all our friends were saying things like: "You two have the perfect marriage". Whew! The world thrives on co-dependency.
Until it stops working.
And it is not only inside intimate relationships that this loneliness plays out. If you continuously give and give and give to friends or family, and you never make sure that your own well is filled up, you are back to feeling lonely. Yip, been there, done that. For most of my life.
I simply just did not have needs, but was always willing to listen to everyone's problems.
I simply did not ask for help, Flippin' Superwoman does not need help.
I just did not get support, because I did not know that I was worthy of support.
So now to the solution. Because I finally figured out that it can never be achieved through trying to change another person. Nor by continuously giving till the well runs dry.
I had to change how I see the world.
I had to adapt better coping skills.
It freaking works! And as it always starts with ourselves, here are a few simple, yet powerful, things to start DOING from this day forward:
when we decide to start reaching out to others, we can do it in baby steps. Just talk to one person. Just be interested in one person. Whoever you find yourself next to.
Decide that one friend is not enough. You are worth many friends! Many connections. You are worth much support. And deserve loads of affirmation, adoration and connection. Yeah!
Just do it.
One person at a time.
Show the real me
Kick ass warrior
Imperfect track record
Loving, supportive, loyal, brave, kind, fun.
All of me, born perfect, improved by life's dents.
All of it perfectly acceptable.
Ask for help and support.
Apply self-care and self-acceptance religiously.
Celebrate all parts of the unique mix that is amazingly, blessedly you!
PS. i love to hear from you!
So this is where I tell you more about my journey...
Maybe there is something in my story you can use to make your own life better. I really do hope that my random ramblings are of use to someone out there!