Your heart is a compass in a chaotic world. Follow it. Resist anything that looks reeeally good, but feels reeeally bad. Be brave enough to turn away from shiny objects, and toward the light that makes them shine.
- Martha Beck
This one spoke to me very strongly.
We are so often eager to say yes to people and projects, and very often it is going to be tied to the things lacking in our self-esteem. When we are needing to be validated by others all the time and if we value ourselves for what we do, not for who we already are, we have a tendency to say yes to things that do not reeeeally serve us!
When this happens we have to deeply examine our belief systems and see which thought patterns and outlooks are allowing this self-harming.
I have been very quiet lately as I am struggling with deep exhaustion because of hypothyroid caused by a cystic thyroid. And the message that keeps on showing up is that I am choosing to over-burden myself, and deep down it stems from a believe that I have to do everything myself, that I will not ever have support and that I cannot fail at anything. These things are all stuff I have dealt with cognitively and know to be not true. I have spoken about these beliefs and shared how they come about. I have amazing support now and ask for help.
Yet somehow my behaviour have not changed enough (yet).
I keep on piling on responsibilities.
In this last week, I have dropped a whole range and a business plan which sounded beautiful and do-able and which I actually enjoyed while I was doing it. No more bunnies!
When I realized it was just one thing too many, my whole body just sighed with deep, deep, deep relief. This is what Martha Beck means, I think. Our bodies know what our minds are conditioned not to know. And if we want to do right by ourselves, there are self-harming behaviours we have to decide to drop. It is the stuff we OVER-do. Or spend a lot of time and energy on because we are running away from knowing what we already know. It is the stuff we avoid because of our fears and our lack of better tools. And sometimes we have just been so conditioned over the years that we do not notice our self-harming behaviours anymore.
Where can you stop harming yourself today? And if you do not know, ask your body. Because you actually really know deep down.
So this is where I tell you more about my journey...
Maybe there is something in my story you can use to make your own life better. I really do hope that my random ramblings are of use to someone out there!