Louise VN Liebenberg

Life Coach, Counselor, Author, Artist, Rescuer-of-Stray-Cats and Road Trip Lover

Click the pretty, pretty buttons below if you want to know more! And I made a little personal video for you if you want to get to know me better – look for it a bit lower on the page.

For inspiration and motivation to create connection and better relationships with confidence

Take back your power

Do it your way,
in your own time.

Tired of being unhappy – how to establish positive feelings?

Are you tired of feeling a certain way? Left out? Useless? Wrong? Sad? Unhappy? Tired? Lonely? ​Powerless?Or... ​​what is your feeling? ​ ​That thing you just cannot do any more? Maybe you feel powerless, like nothing will ever change, no matter how many times you ask/nag/complain/plead/manipulate/guilt/shame/moralize someone into becoming what you want, changing into your idea of how it should be. Essentially…

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Learn to respond, not react

​5 steps to becoming a more effective communicator: Reactivity in ourselves and other causes wars. The all out anger ones. The endless bickering about everything kind. The vengeful, I-will-get-you-back-how-dare-you kind. The three week silent treatment standoffs. The let's-pretend-it-never-happened ones. The passive aggressive, "I do not even realize I am actually angry under my seemingly friendly facade" wars Reactivity is a hard…

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Anxiety, fear, sadness and regrets

These four things - anxiety, fear,  and regrets - are the most general symptoms of a life devoid of mindfulness. The bigger problem, though, is that doctors and psychiatrists have mostly a "prescribe a mood altering pill" approach to naturally occurring feelings, which may temporarily help us through a dark spot, but in the end just exacerbate the problem. Now…

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Real Communication

When it comes to the human race and human nature, there is one thing that is true for everyone. EVERYONE. Even those of us who have not tuned into ourselves for so long, that we have forgotten it. And this is it, the leveling-the-playing-field thing: We all want to be heard. That is what let us give up on our parents (caregivers/spouses/friends), way back, originally. We did not feel heard. Or seen. Or accepted. Or loved. or supported. Or worthwhile.

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It definitely sucks to feel judged. It makes us feel less powerless confused not safe misunderstood excluded not good enough invisible not heard not acceptable sad or angry or both The great thing is that we can change all that by understanding that a lack of self esteem or deep seated shame makes us vulnerable to judgement. Whether we are consciously…

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Our relationships with our fathers will have a significant influence on how we see men. It will determine whether we think they are trustworthy. It will influence whether we will be fearful of being abandoned by men. Through our father’s eyes we look at ourselves – this is how we imagine men will see us. Do we measure up? Or are we always going to over-compensate to make up for us not feeling worthy. And how much bad treatment will we take simply because we fear being abandoned?

If we are lucky enough to be treated by our dads like Princess Cheesecake, the One and Only, but with respect for our separateness, our entire view of ourselves changes. We expect more for ourselves, and we are faster to dismiss relationships that are toxic for us.

Wanting our father’s approval is a very normal desire for a little girl of any age. I remember how my father ridiculed people with normal fear, so at the age of six I decided I was not scared of his pack of ferocious Alsations. They did not eat me, so there must be some truth to the notion that dogs smell fear and will attack. But that experience of trying to impress my father meant that I could not connect to feeling fear. I did not know that I had fear of abandonment triggers, as I simply could not connect to any feelings of fear!

Leoni decided that she would have to be her two sisters’ caretaker. Her dad told her as the oldest they were her responsibility to make sure they were not bullied. So she built herself a bulletproof, tough attitude. ”It was very hard to make friends, as I did not let anyone see the real me. I was longing for a relationship in which I was accepted. I did not realise that my relationships kept failing because my bulletproof attitude meant I was pushing them out of my life. I had to learn all over how to let people see the real, soft me inside.”

Sandra’s dad died when she was very young. He was her hero. They had fun. He was one hundred percent on her side. She tried to recreate that relationship all her life. Problem was that …







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