i-nfinitepotential.com

For inspiration and motivation to create connection and better relationships with confidence

Take back your power

Do it your way,
in your own time.

Louise VN Liebenberg

Human being, Artist, Life Coach, Counselor
And now Author…

Click the pretty, pretty buttons below if you want to know more! And I made a little personal video for you if you want to get to know me better – look for it a bit lower on the page.

Still Stuck? Awareness is a game-changer

​So the question really is: “Where are you still stuck?”

The answer depends on whether you are paying attention to what is not working in your life. We always know that something is not working, because of how it makes us feel. But we are often so used to not feeling optimal that we are not consciously noticing that it is unacceptable! Feeling “optimal” is not something everyone experiences, but you know it when you get there – it is light, content, energized and abundant. And that is worth keeping on keeping on for!

We get better little by little, and as we keep moving from plateau to plateau, new areas of stuckiness reveal itself.
(Yes, I know that is not a word, but it is now!!!)

And the magic solution always is…
I have a choice, and what can I, myself, me, DO about it today?

And, with this comes another very important principle:
If I CHOOSE not to do anything about my stuckiness, then I have lost the right to go into victim and blame the world.

Why are we stuck then?

We are simply  not aware:

  • Not aware that , looking from the outside, the situation is actually unacceptable.
  • Not aware that we are allowing ourselves to be harmed.
  • Not aware that we have choices.
  • Not aware that we are giving away our power
  • Not aware that is our own job – and no-one else’s – to steer our own life
  • Not aware of the fears that keeps us trapped – the fears of losing love and connection, even when we do not really have the love and connection we crave
  • Not aware of the bad habits and self-harming behaviours we have in place
  • Not aware of our lack of self-care, self-regard and self-respect

It is called denial, but it is never on purpose.

  • We simply do not know better, because we were not brought up with certain tools.
  • We took responsibility for another adult, and find so much self-worth in fixing that person that we are  not aware of how we harm ourselves
  • Or we want the illusion of love and connection so much, that we are willing to give up bits of ourselves
  • And once we have found someone who accepts us warts and all, we just do not want to ever give that up.

How do we become aware then?

Yip, this is the challenging part…
Change is sometimes only going to happen when we not only stumble a bit, or bump into a wall, but manage to turn our lives into a disaster zone. 

Change does not happen miraculously. There is no spontaneous combustion. And the brain resists change, even when the situation is of the “I just cannot take this anymore” kind.

So in the end it is really up to us to notice: there is something which does not suit me, which does not work, which does not get me what I really want.
And then realize that if what I have been doing does not help, I need to find help in another way.

The good news is that there is another way, there is a solution! You are here, after all. which means that you are searching. and you are hungry for better.

Sometimes you just need a helping hand – your own personal blind spot mirror.

So, everything I write in these blog posts is really about awareness making. It was what I needed in order to improve my life, and if you are looking to improve your life, you may just find something helpful in the previous posts. I have categorized them individually and into 7 handy categories – just take a look in the sidebar for 3 more posts which will help with awareness (under categories – no.6 Awareness)
http://www.i-nfinitepotential.com/blog/category/6-awareness

Much love
Louise

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Our relationships with our fathers will have a significant influence on how we see men. It will determine whether we think they are trustworthy. It will influence whether we will be fearful of being abandoned by men. Through our father’s eyes we look at ourselves – this is how we imagine men will see us. Do we measure up? Or are we always going to over-compensate to make up for us not feeling worthy. And how much bad treatment will we take simply because we fear being abandoned?

If we are lucky enough to be treated by our dads like Princess Cheesecake, the One and Only, but with respect for our separateness, our entire view of ourselves changes. We expect more for ourselves, and we are faster to dismiss relationships that are toxic for us.

Wanting our father’s approval is a very normal desire for a little girl of any age. I remember how my father ridiculed people with normal fear, so at the age of six I decided I was not scared of his pack of ferocious Alsations. They did not eat me, so there must be some truth to the notion that dogs smell fear and will attack. But that experience of trying to impress my father meant that I could not connect to feeling fear. I did not know that I had fear of abandonment triggers, as I simply could not connect to any feelings of fear!

Leoni decided that she would have to be her two sisters’ caretaker. Her dad told her as the oldest they were her responsibility to make sure they were not bullied. So she built herself a bulletproof, tough attitude. ”It was very hard to make friends, as I did not let anyone see the real me. I was longing for a relationship in which I was accepted. I did not realise that my relationships kept failing because my bulletproof attitude meant I was pushing them out of my life. I had to learn all over how to let people see the real, soft me inside.”

Sandra’s dad died when she was very young. He was her hero. They had fun. He was one hundred percent on her side. She tried to recreate that relationship all her life. Problem was that …

 

 

 

 

 

 

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