Tired of being unhappy – how to establish positive feelings?

Are you tired of feeling a certain way? Left out? Useless? Wrong? Sad? Unhappy? Tired? Lonely? ​Powerless?Or... ​​what is your feeling? ​ ​That thing you just cannot do any more? Maybe you feel powerless, like nothing will ever change, no matter how many times you ask/nag/complain/plead/manipulate/guilt/shame/moralize someone into becoming what you want, changing into your idea of how it should be. Essentially…

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Learn to respond, not react

​5 steps to becoming a more effective communicator: Reactivity in ourselves and other causes wars. The all out anger ones. The endless bickering about everything kind. The vengeful, I-will-get-you-back-how-dare-you kind. The three week silent treatment standoffs. The let's-pretend-it-never-happened ones. The passive aggressive, "I do not even realize I am actually angry under my seemingly friendly facade" wars Reactivity is a hard…

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Anxiety, fear, sadness and regrets

These four things - anxiety, fear,  and regrets - are the most general symptoms of a life devoid of mindfulness. The bigger problem, though, is that doctors and psychiatrists have mostly a "prescribe a mood altering pill" approach to naturally occurring feelings, which may temporarily help us through a dark spot, but in the end just exacerbate the problem. Now…

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Real Communication

When it comes to the human race and human nature, there is one thing that is true for everyone. EVERYONE. Even those of us who have not tuned into ourselves for so long, that we have forgotten it. And this is it, the leveling-the-playing-field thing: We all want to be heard. That is what let us give up on our parents (caregivers/spouses/friends), way back, originally. We did not feel heard. Or seen. Or accepted. Or loved. or supported. Or worthwhile.

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I missed my bed…

The dad-weekend and mom-week thing were all new to us.  It is quite a change for a 7-year old who grew up having the run of the farm. Everywhere was safe. A huge playground.Divorce changes things. ​ ​Town and a mother who worked all day and came home at night bone-weary was all new. Suddenly all we had was a  local schoolboy who had…

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What are grudges all about?

  Grudge (n): "a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury". ​Are you carrying a grudge you just cannot let go? Or more than just one or two big ones? Or is it a normal part of life?  Do you often have to push people out of your life because of grudges you…

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Still Stuck? Awareness is a game-changer

​So the question really is: "Where are you still stuck?" The answer depends on whether you are paying attention to what is not working in your life. We always know that something is not working, because of how it makes us feel. But we are often so used to not feeling optimal that we are not consciously noticing that it…

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About feeling blah… and how to change it.  

  ​​Today's post involves homework for you. Ha! I want you to reflect a bit on what you want most in life. Go on, just write down between three and five things, those things you know will make your heart sing, the things that make life worth living, the wants and needs that give meaning and hope and joy and…

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Today I am just sharing a personal story of vulnerability and grief…

  I am always a bit hesitant to be vulnerable, you know what I mean? But then, when I manage, it is actually all good... ​Friday was an emotionally challenging day for me. A year ago, as we were planning our regular trip to the Ficksburg Cherry Festival, our little Peanut cat was bitten by a dog. Peanut started living…

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Feelings… fear them or embrace them?

We have this overriding fear of feeling our negative feelings. We will do anything not to feel them! We will stuff them down relentlessly with distractions. We will build thick  walls to keep out the possibility of being hurt again out. We will deny their existence. We will prevent hurt at all costs by over-controlling every minute detail we possible…

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