I have spent years and years and years very unhappily married, and it NEVER. EVER. NOT EVEN ONCE. Crossed my mind that I could change my mind.
That I could simply say, “I am not happy, I have tried and I have tried very hard and I am done trying.”
I mean: Everything! Famine and World war too.
And there is that other thing – fail at something??? Not an option.
It took me spending two years in helpless and hopeless mode, with nothing left to give to myself or another living soul, to realize that I was slowly killing myself. My husband stopped drinking, but he lost interest in our relationship and in me. I was in an emotional desert for 12 years – a Mars landscape. Our blissfully happy co-dependent fusion have been torn apart by Dry Drunk Syndrome. And neither of us knew it; neither of us ever heard of such a thing. He was emotionally unavailable, and as an undiagnosed ADD’er a whole host of other impulsive drama carried on in our lives. My throat still closes up when I think about that nightmare.
And then I said “Enough, I am not doing this to myself anymore”.
And that is where my healing started.
When I changed my mind. That is when I opened the door to “better”.
When I decided to respect and honour myself.
When I saw that I was in a toxic situation which I obviously did not know how to fix all by myself.
Yeah, right. when we are not paying attention, we will eventually crash straight into a wall.
It took a lot of creating new thinking to know that failing is just part of life. That it teaches us valuable lessons. That it brings us to crossroads, and what waits for us at the end of that road could be truly amazing.
Amazing how help arrives when we get ready for it. I am thankful for this lesson. I do not like that I was stuck for such a long time. But I do accept it as part of my lesson. And all of it brought me to here and now where I am able to help so many others find their serenity and joy and happiness! When I look at the relationship I now have (I call him husband no 2 although he is actually no 1), the friendships, the support, the connection and the satisfaction I get from walking this road with others,; well worth it!
So this is what I think – embrace failure, but call it a “learning experience” rather. Be flexible – when something is not working, look for the better way. Take back your power – you gave it away in the first place, and no one is going to offer it back to you on a plate.
Not only change your mind when something is not working for you – go get your better, your bliss, your happy, your serenity, your grace.