Are you tired of feeling a certain way? Left out? Useless? Wrong? Sad? Unhappy? Tired? Lonely? Powerless?Or... what is your feeling? That thing you just cannot do any more? Maybe…
5 steps to becoming a more effective communicator: Reactivity in ourselves and other causes wars. The all out anger ones. The endless bickering about everything kind. The vengeful, I-will-get-you-back-how-dare-you kind. The…
These four things - anxiety, fear, and regrets - are the most general symptoms of a life devoid of mindfulness. The bigger problem, though, is that doctors and psychiatrists have…
When it comes to the human race and human nature, there is one thing that is true for everyone. EVERYONE. Even those of us who have not tuned into ourselves for so long, that we have forgotten it. And this is it, the leveling-the-playing-field thing: We all want to be heard. That is what let us give up on our parents (caregivers/spouses/friends), way back, originally. We did not feel heard. Or seen. Or accepted. Or loved. or supported. Or worthwhile.
It definitely sucks to feel judged. It makes us feel less powerless confused not safe misunderstood excluded not good enough invisible not heard not acceptable sad or angry or both…
The dad-weekend and mom-week thing were all new to us. It is quite a change for a 7-year old who grew up having the run of the farm. Everywhere was safe.…
Grudge (n): "a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury". Are you carrying a grudge you just cannot let go? Or more…
So the question really is: "Where are you still stuck?" The answer depends on whether you are paying attention to what is not working in your life. We always know…
Today's post involves homework for you. Ha! I want you to reflect a bit on what you want most in life. Go on, just write down between three and…
I am always a bit hesitant to be vulnerable, you know what I mean? But then, when I manage, it is actually all good... Friday was an emotionally challenging…
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Our relationships with our fathers will have a significant influence on how we see men. It will determine whether we think they are trustworthy. It will influence whether we will be fearful of being abandoned by men. Through our father’s eyes we look at ourselves – this is how we imagine men will see us. Do we measure up? Or are we always going to over-compensate to make up for us not feeling worthy. And how much bad treatment will we take simply because we fear being abandoned?
If we are lucky enough to be treated by our dads like Princess Cheesecake, the One and Only, but with respect for our separateness, our entire view of ourselves changes. We expect more for ourselves, and we are faster to dismiss relationships that are toxic for us.
Wanting our father’s approval is a very normal desire for a little girl of any age. I remember how my father ridiculed people with normal fear, so at the age of six I decided I was not scared of his pack of ferocious Alsations. They did not eat me, so there must be some truth to the notion that dogs smell fear and will attack. But that experience of trying to impress my father meant that I could not connect to feeling fear. I did not know that I had fear of abandonment triggers, as I simply could not connect to any feelings of fear!
Leoni decided that she would have to be her two sisters’ caretaker. Her dad told her as the oldest they were her responsibility to make sure they were not bullied. So she built herself a bulletproof, tough attitude. ”It was very hard to make friends, as I did not let anyone see the real me. I was longing for a relationship in which I was accepted. I did not realise that my relationships kept failing because my bulletproof attitude meant I was pushing them out of my life. I had to learn all over how to let people see the real, soft me inside.”
Sandra’s dad died when she was very young. He was her hero. They had fun. He was one hundred percent on her side. She tried to recreate that relationship all her life. Problem was that …